


The Relationship Disclosure Triplication

by Jenni_Snake



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: Comedy, Coming Out, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-10
Updated: 2011-10-10
Packaged: 2017-10-24 11:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/263147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenni_Snake/pseuds/Jenni_Snake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Between friends and family, Howard and Raj realise that coming out is more a process than an event.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (originally published 2011/01/01)

They had finally started talking about it seriously.

"Definitely not at work," Raj stated.

"Okay," Howard shrugged.

"But maybe the cafeteria?"

"I don’t know if that’s a good idea, lots of people who know us only through work eat there.”

“But what if I want to hold your hand?”

“We’ll be eating.”

“Okay, then what if we want to share food?”

“People hardly want to eat their own food at that cafeteria.”

“Good point.”

“How about the comic book store?"

"I don't think so. The Cheesecake Factory?"

"I'd have to talk to Bernadette first, I think, just ‘cause we were going out and all. Otherwise... Nah, still no."

"What about other restaurants?"

"Depends what kind and where."

"Yeah, you're right. Man, this coming out thing is a whole lot harder than I thought."

"Tell me about it. But we've got three for certain: your parents, my mom, and Leonard, Penny, and Sheldon."

"Aren't they technically three people?"

"Technically your parents are two, but do you want to tell each of them separately?"

"Good point. Well, when do we get started?"

"No time like the present, right?"

They both took each other's hand and squeezed just a little too tightly.


	2. Chapter 2

That night, Raj sat on the couch in front of the laptop and wiped his palms on his thighs to try to get rid of the clamminess.

“Why do we have to talk to my parents first?”

“Because you asked!!”

“Oh… yeah, I guess I did. And the timing works out great because they’re about to call.”

“I know, that’s what you said ten minutes ago.”

“Oh yeah. I’m so nervous,” he said quietly.

“I know,” Howard told him, putting an arm around Raj’s shoulders, “me, too.”

Raj could feel Howard trembling. He kissed one of his hands and held it. Howard tried to smile back at him.

“It’s going to be all right,” Raj assured him, trying to assure himself in turn. “My parents like you. And it’s not like they can really do anything, they’re like eight thousand miles away. I know: I’ve calculated it more than once.”

“Yeah,” Howard breathed, “you’re right.”

They both jumped in their seats as the computer phone rang. They exchanged looks and untangled themselves from each other before Raj clicked the mouse.

“Hello son,” his parents chorused happily.

“Hi mummy, hi daddy,” he replied, hearing the nervousness in his own voice.

“Hello Howard,” Raj’s mother chimed, jangling the new gold bracelets on her wrist when she waved.

“Hi Mrs. Koothrappali,” Howard said with a toothy smile and a trembling voice.

And then Raj’s mother was off, seemingly without transition, delving into the details of the recent wedding of a niece or a nephew or a third cousin twice removed or some relative in Mumbai. A cast dozens large, most with only cameos or bit parts, played in a drama that rivalled a three-hour Bollywood production and sent Raj’s head spinning. He stole a glance at Howard who was frowning, brow deeply furrowed, trying to follow who was who. There was only one ending that the tale could possibly have, Raj knew, and he felt his shoulders tensing as his mother reached her inevitable conclusion.

“So Anahita – a lovely girl, and isn’t that a lovely name? – she is working in San Diego, but she’ll be in Los Angeles for an accounting conference, and her mother gave me her number, so you can call her and meet her.”

Raj had kept quiet during his mother’s entire speech for once – he had been concentrating on breathing steadily instead. Another glance at Howard, who was looking away, embarrassed at being there, and Raj knew that what he was going to do would take all the courage he had. But now he was doing it not just for himself.

“No, mummy,” he said.

His mother tilted her head and leaned in closer to the webcam.

“What did you say, Rajesh?”

“I said no, I can’t call her,” he repeated, voice level. “I won’t call her.”

“Rajesh, you will listen to your mother,” his father scolded.

“No. I’m sorry, mummy, daddy, but I’m seeing someone else.”

Raj felt his heart pounding against his chest as if it would burst out and take flight.

“What?” his father asked, eyes wide. “An American?”

“Who is she?” his mother followed. “Oh, please say it’s not one of those blonde floosies!”

“No,” Raj said, firmly. He paused for a long moment, not knowing exactly how he was going to go about this. “I’m… not seeing a girl. It’s Howard.”

Without thinking, just very naturally, he took Howard’s hand when he said his name. He watched his parents’ faces fall, and, just after, Howard’s as well. His mother’s expression turned to confusion, his father’s set, stone-like. There was no sound in the room except the whirring of the computer. He had to squeeze Howard’s hand gently to let him know that he was holding on too tightly.

“I don’t understand,” his mother said as his father stood up and walked away. Out of sight, there was the sound of a door banging shut.

“I know I should have said this a long time ago, mummy, but I didn’t know how or when. But I have to say it now. Mummy, I am gay.”

Raj couldn’t believe the sense of relief that washed over him as those three simple words escaped his mouth. The tension in his shoulders disappeared. He wanted to say it again and again: it was pulling the corners of his mouth into a smile.

His mother was shaking her head.

“You didn’t have to say it,” she said, her voice cracking. She stared after his father. “I don’t know where your father’s gone.”

Raj looked at Howard again, but Howard wasn’t sharing his relief. Instead, he was hanging his head. Tears welled up in his eyes and dropped onto his lap when he blinked.

“I’m sorry,” Howard whispered. Raj squeezed his hand and shook his head at him, trying to let him know that he had done nothing wrong, that he had nothing to apologise for. Although it seemed that Howard had tried to say it quietly, it apparently had still been picked up on the computer microphone.

“I’m sorry, too, Howard,” Raj’s mother said, fidgeting with her gold bracelets. “Rajesh, I will have to talk with your father. There is nothing I can say right now. We will call you back when we have calmed down and figured out what is going on. Goodbye.”

And, after fumbling for the right button, she was gone.

It struck Raj as odd that he should be feeling so fiercely happy when everyone else was so disheartened. His heart was pounding still, but with elation now, and he wanted to jump and skip and run. Instead, he held Howard who had collapsed onto him, still crying soundlessly, willing his joy to spread.

“Don’t worry, love,” he said optimistically, “everything will be fine. I promise.”


	3. Chapter 3

Neither of them talked about what had happened, because neither of them knew what to say. Howard felt like an idiot because he couldn’t stop crying every time he thought about talking to Raj’s parents. Nothing Raj could say or do could help calm him down. Howard sniffled and cried himself to sleep with Raj wrapped around him.

The next morning, they woke to an e-mail from Raj's mother. Slouched over the computer, they didn’t have to read the whole thing to gather the gist of it. Parts leapt out at them: “unexpected,” “disappointed,” “can't blame your father for the way he reacted,” “we never should have let you go to America,” “this wouldn't have happened in India,” “Howard is obviously a bad influence,” and on and on. Raj deleted the e-mail immediately, and neither of them said anything about it. Howard had some reading to do and Raj went to pick up some groceries.

Later that night another e-mail popped up in Raj’s inbox. He took a deep breath in and let it out, trying to decide if they should even read it. When they opened it, it was filled with the same things as before: “just a phase,” “ashamed,” “disgrace,” “impact on your father's work,” “how can we face family and friends?” “what do we tell people?” “we’ll be outcast.” It was Howard’s turn to comfort Raj, who couldn’t keep his good mood up after both assaults. Trying to be cheerful, he suggested they watch the worst movie they could find, and make popcorn. They settled on Battlefield Earth, but it didn’t earn as many comments or as many laughs as usual. They fell asleep on the couch and dragged themselves to bed when they woke up an hour later.

The next morning was Sunday, and Raj had managed to avoid checking his e-mail for a whole hour. Howard finally convinced him that doing it was going to make him just as nervous as not doing it was. With Howard looking over his shoulder anxiously, he immediately clicked on the e-mail from his mother, hoping to get the litany of guilt and insults over with. All he found, however, was a one-line note telling them to expect a call at nine. They both picked nervously at their breakfast as they waited for the call. When Raj’s laptop started ringing, he told Howard he would simply not answer it. Just before the call rang out, Howard dragged Raj to the couch and picked up the call.

What they saw was mostly familiar – the same room Raj’s parents usually called them from, the same couch, Raj’s mother on the left of the screen. The only thing out of place was that Raj’s father was missing. Regardless, his mother was smiling in her typically reserved way.

“Hello, son,” she said congenially.

“Hello mummy,” Raj said, a little unsteadily. He and Howard exchanged looks.

She waved to the empty space beside her dismissively.

“Don’t worry about your father, he’ll come around.”

And as if the last two days hadn’t happened, as if the e-mails she had written had never been sent, she asked both of them how they were doing, and launched into a long-winded tale about her weekend shopping trip with ‘Auntie’ Bandhavi.

“You remember Auntie Bandhavi?”

“Um,” Raj hedged, “from down the road?”

“Yes. Well, her daughter, you remember, you used to play with her all the time. We went on family picnics together. She’s the Bollywood actress, a minor actress at best, the last I had heard she was in a toothpaste commercial. Well, apparently she got some big audition. Of course, you know those Bollywood types, so hoity-toity. She has a girlfriend, you know…”

Both Howard and Raj raised their eyebrows and shot each other a glance. Raj’s mother continued nonchalantly.

“… a veterinarian, not that animals are so hard to take care of. It’s not rocket science, am I right, Howard? They’re lovely girls, of course, but neither of them has ever been out of the country, and certainly not to America.”

For a few more minutes she rambled on, touching everything from what good deals she got for a very high quality tablecloth, how she had everyone over for a dinner unrivaled by anyone who had invited them over recently, and what she was going to do in the upcoming week. Neither Raj nor Howard said a word, nor did it seem to matter; she wound down the conversation on her own.

“We’ll talk to you next week then, dears?” she asked finally.

They nodded.

“All our love to both of you.”

“Bye, mummy,” Raj said, a bit stunned.

“Goodbye, Mrs. Koothrappali,” Howard echoed in the same tone.

Before she hung up, she waved and smiled, and the screen went back to the desktop. For a full minute, Howard and Raj stared at the computer screen without a word.

“What… just… happened?” stammered Howard.

“I don’t really know,” Raj answered in a bit of a stupor. “It seems a bit like she’s exercising her bragging rights. Auntie Bandhavi has been mummy’s friend forever, but she’s also her mortal enemy. Her Lex Luthor. And Auntie Bandhavi is always one-upping her, so I guess this is her way of getting ahead.”

Howard blinked a couple of times.

“Well, small mercies. I guess that works out well for us.”

“Sometimes I suppose you have to take what you can get.”

“I feel a bit stupid for crying now,” Howard admitted abashedly.

Raj put his head on Howard’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around him.

“I think maybe we need a bit of a break.”

Howard leaned into Raj.

“You’re right.”

“But on the plus side, only two more to go…”


	4. Chapter 4

It was Thursday, and Howard and Raj sat on Leonard and Sheldon’s couch, feeling as if every time they moved and squeaked the leather that everybody was staring at them. It had turned out that absolutely everyone was there: Sheldon and Amy were having not-a-date, and Penny had invited Bernadette over for a girls’ night, but decided to join the rest for dinner and a movie instead. Leonard was passing around the Thai take-out dishes to their proper owners, and everyone was commenting on their food with the notable exception of Sheldon who was, as usual, interrogating Leonard on whether the proper steps had been taken to ensure he would enjoy his meal in meticulous detail. Nobody seemed to notice that Howard was silent and Raj had foregone even his minimal facial expressions as a form of silent communication. When they decided to tell their friends, they had agreed to wait to talk to at least Leonard, Sheldon and Penny. They were a bit overwhelmed that Bernadette and Amy were there as well. Still, it seemed better this way, since there would be less second-hand information passed around.

Everyone else had started eating their dinner except for Sheldon, who had found a minor-yet-fatal flaw in it which prevented him from consuming it before he had chided Leonard appropriately. Engrossed in their meals, no one noticed that they were being surveyed by Raj and Howard, neither of whom had yet touched their food. They exchanged looks with one another and Howard took a deep breath before speaking.

“We…” Howard began, wiping his palms on his thighs when everyone looked up at him, “that is, Raj and I, well, I guess ‘I’, since Raj can’t really say anything… anyway, well, we have something to tell you. I… we have been… uh…”

Bernadette, Penny, and Leonard filled in as Howard hesitated:

“Dating?”

“Going out?”

“Sleeping together?”

Raj and Howard stared at them dumbfounded. Raj blinked blankly twice, then leaned over to whisper something to Howard.

“I have no idea how they know!” Howard exclaimed to the silent question.

“Seriously?” Leonard scoffed. “Come on, you’re not the only one who can set up a live video feed to the hallway.”

“What?” Howard asked.“But, why?”

“Revenge,” Penny tossed in between bites.

“Fair enough,” Howard conceded, with Raj shrugging and nodding in agreement.

“We caught you kissing one day before you came in for dinner,” Leonard said.

“Okay… well, um,” Howard seemed at a loss, “I guess you should know that we’ve been going out for about a year, then.”

“To be precise,” Sheldon interrupted as he paused from picking through the bits of his food that he deemed edible, “three hundred and thirty-eight days, twenty-two hours and fifteen minutes. Plus or minus forty-eight hours.”

“No, I don’t know why he has a two-day margin of error!” Howard said to Raj’s whispered question.

“Oh that’s simple,” Sheldon began to groaning protestations from everyone except Amy. “Working from solid hypotheses of myriad variables, and given what I have come to understand as the typical all-consuming desire at the beginning of the relationship to consistently engage in coitus –“

“That’s good!” Leonard interrupted loudly. “Anyway, I think Amy’s the clear winner, so here’s your fifty.”

“Thank you,” Amy said, collecting money from everyone in the room. “It wasn’t very difficult to provide a near-accurate estimation of the event occurrence, but I won’t bore you with the details.”

No one bothered to inquire about the details, but Howard turned to Raj just as he had turned to whisper in his ear again.

“Yes,” he said without Raj even having to ask, “obviously they were betting on when we were going to come out to them.”

“I just wanted to say,” Bernadette chirped, “thank you for waiting at least a month after we broke up before getting together with Raj.”

Howard blushed and pushed some of his noodles around with his fork.

"Because if you hadn't," she continued nonchalantly, "I probably would have infected you both with the flesh eating virus."

There was dead silence as everyone stared at an oblivious, smiling, but somehow always deadly Bernadette. Leonard decided a topic change would serve them well, and chose the second most awkward subject available.

“So, have you told your parents yet?” Leonard interrupted.

Raj nodded as Howard shook his head.

“What we mean,” Howard clarified, “is that we’ve told Raj’s parents so far.”

“Aw,” Leonard teased, “are you their new Haroon and Tanvir?”

Howard and Raj sighed.

“Oh, sorry,” Leonard said, his smile gone. “I guess it didn’t go so well?”

“Well, at least Mrs. Koothrappali is still talking to us…”

Everyone stared awkwardly at their food.

“They’ll come around,” Penny offered hopefully. “Like my aunt and uncle when they found out my first cousins had been dating for a year. It was a shock at first, but eventually they were fine with it.”

The whole room stared at her.

“Okay, not the best example,” she conceded, diving back into her curry rice.

“So I guess all you have to do now is tell your mother,” Bernadette said with a frown.

“Yeah,” Howard slouched, “easy peasy.”


	5. Chapter 5

It had been just less than a week since Thai food Thursday, and neither Howard nor Raj had mentioned talking to Howard’s mother. Raj hadn’t brought it up, and Howard had done his best to avoid it. But he was losing sleep wondering when they were going to discuss it. Every time Raj opened his mouth to say something, Howard tensed. That morning, he sat huddled over his coffee on the edge of his stool at the counter jiggling his foot and staring into space. Dark circles hung under his eyes.

For the past so many days, he could hardly think of anything but his mother’s voice.

“My only child…”

He cringed.

“You like girls, too, why can’t you just find yourself a pretty girl? She doesn’t even have to be that pretty!”

Without noticing, he started to bite his nails.

“What did I do wrong to make you turn out like this?”

She hadn’t even said a word of it, but he didn’t want to find out what variation on his imagination would play out. He’d heard it all before. There had been more than a few incidents with relatives, a ‘strange’ uncle here, a ‘lonely’ aunt and her ‘friend’ there, but he remembered one from a few years ago most clearly.

“Can you believe it, this invitation we got in the mail?” she had yelled through the house, it seemed, even though he had been right there at the dinner table with her. “Your cousin Ruth is getting married! I would have thought she would have found somebody, she’s such a pretty girl, but this is crazy. She’s marrying… I can’t even think about it, I can barely say it: another woman!”

Howard remembered that he had sat up, and then, not to draw attention to himself, had sunk a bit in his chair.

“I don’t know how your aunt and uncle can accept something like that. It’s ridiculous. It’s against nature. If she were my daughter, I wouldn’t have a daughter anymore.”

That had stung, and his mother had gone on and on. She had torn up the invitation before Howard had even had a chance to look at it. He had thought about calling his cousin and sneaking off to New York for the ceremony without his mother knowing, but he knew it would have gotten back to his mother for sure.

He had learned when he was young, just around the time of his bar mitzvah, what his mother thought was acceptable and what wasn’t. After that, he had heard it loudly and often. Sex, that was okay. With girls. Nice Jewish girls preferably, but she would take what she could get. Any variation on that…

“You father was a pervert, you know…”

He didn’t, actually, know, but she left it open enough that it would cover a multitude of sins.

It had made things complicated when Howard had realised he hadn’t only wanted to have sex with girls. Girls he could bring home whether his mother was in the house or not. Any boys he had brought home he had been sure that his mother was stranded elsewhere with no means of getting back. It gave the encounters a sense of excitement, but also made them stressful and perfunctory. He hadn’t been able to even imagine trying to sleep with men the same way he slept with women. There had been no question of coming out to his mother then, she simply wouldn't have been able to fathom it.

Coming out to her now, though… He would be letting her down, and she would be sure to let him know it. She was the only family he had left, and she would disown him.

But there was a reason now, there was Raj. There was someone to be with and to take to family dinners and…

…and someone else to blame and someone else to ridicule and someone else to be disgusted with and even more reason to get rid of him…

A rattling sound brought Howard back to the present, and he saw that he was shaking, and was spilling coffee over the sides of his cup. He let go just as Raj came into the kitchen. Howard stared at him, shoulders slumped.

“Howard,” Raj said, “is everything all right?”

“I’m sorry, Raj,” Howard sighed using the counter to support himself. He looked Raj in the eyes, his heart sinking, then beating quickly as he realised this might be it, the last time he could look at Raj before he was dumped for his cowardice. It would be all his fault, and he would be a failure, just like his mother would have said. Howard swallowed back the tears that were creeping up his throat.

“I don’t understand,” said Raj, searching Howard’s face with concern and confusion playing over his own. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“No, I guess not. Well, not yet, anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

Howard took a deep breath. There was no point delaying; he might as well get it over with. His next words would end this, would throw it all away and more. He would lose Raj not just as his boyfriend, but as his best friend. His heart would be broken and his life would be nearly empty. They had been an official couple for a year, but they’d been friends, and a couple according to their friends’ parents, for eight years now. Although he would still have friends, he wouldn’t have the most important person in his life.

Howard started to babble as everything poured out, and the tears he had tried to suppress dropped heavily from his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he blubbered meekly, “I can’t come out to my mother. And I know it’s unfair and I know your dad isn’t talking to you because we told your parents and I don’t know why I’m such a coward, but I know you’ll want to leave me and I’m so, so sorry.”

Raj was silent for a moment, and Howard clenched his eyes shut, preparing for the inevitable. Every bit of unhappiness he had coming to him he knew he deserved, but it was so difficult.

“You silly, silly goose,” Raj said, and wrapped him in an embrace. “You don’t really think I would leave you for that, do you?”

Sniffling and blinking, it took a moment for what Raj said to sink in. Finally, Howard let out the breath he hadn’t noticed he’d been holding, and leaned into Raj as the tension flowed out of his shoulders and disappeared.

“You wouldn’t?”

“Of course not! I love you.”

Howard nuzzled into Raj’s shoulder.

“Call me a silly goose again?”

“You are a silly goose!”

Howard giggled and sniffled again.

“You’re so cute when you say stuff like that.”

“Silly goose?”

“Yeah. Are we crazy?”

“Probably.”

“Oh good.”

“That’s what I think, too. Now finish your coffee, you silly goose, before it gets cold.”


	6. Chapter 6

The few stars they could see from where they sat on the roof shone brightly enough that they could make out some constellations, but it was mostly satellites and planes blinking overhead. Raj had sworn he'd seen a shooting star, but Howard thought it was just a trick of the light. Howard leaned back into Raj, who squeezed him around the waist. Howard looked up to find him smiling his infectious smile, and felt himself start to grin.

"What are you smiling about?"

"Oh, just this. This feeling of not having to hide from everyone."

Howard nodded slightly, and turned his gaze back to the sky.

"What's wrong?" asked Raj, stroking Howard's arms.

"I dunno," he murmured with a shrug. "I should be happy - I am happy! It's just... I mean, it's not over, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's just not going to end. Not anytime soon, anyway. Every time we meet someone new we'll be coming out to them. And sometimes we're just going to have to outright lie to people, to protect ourselves. It really just seems overwhelming. And frightening."

Raj squeezed him a little closer and nuzzled his neck.

"There are," Raj began, "about one hundred billion galaxies in the universe..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, and it really is a miracle we're here at all."

"You didn't let me finish... On the only planet we know for sure supports life, there are 195 countries, 6,809 different languages spoken, and close to seven billion people... And through all that mess I managed to find you."

Howard looked up at him again, and smiled. He dragged a finger along Raj's cheek and down his neck. After a moment, he said:

“That’s a nice way of thinking of it.”

“That’s why I’m the optimist.”

“You need a pessimist like me to keep you grounded.”

“That’s the only reason I keep you around, you know. So that I won’t float off into space.”

“Like that comet?”

“What?! You did not see a comet!”

“I did, too. Just there, on the horizon.”

“You’re making it up.”

“Oh, just like you made up yours?”

“Mine was real!”

“Sure it was.”

“Did you at least make a wish?”

“What? Nobody does that anymore…”

“I do…”

“Okay, I’ll do that on the next one…”

Away from the world and part of it, they lost track of time, and the stars and everything around them except each other.


End file.
